Karuna Publishing

Hand in Hand, Heart to Heart: Peer Counseling in Community

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 05:40:00 +0000

By Amara Karuna

What happens when we decide to get together with some friends on a lovely piece of land, and build family and community together, and after a few months or years the rosy glow of our idealism wears off and it seems to become so much more difficult than we imagined?

Why do we find ourselves arguing, feeling jealous, greedy, and uncooperative? It seems that if the others would just do it our way, and stop being so unreasonable, things would work out great! How do we communicate what we want without being controlling? How do we stay connected when our needs seem to be conflicting with others? How do we truly share power and not be co-dependently giving in to please another? What do we do when we feel like punching the other person, or we seriously consider whether there might be some way to never speak to them again? How do we handle our attraction to someone else’s lover? Why do we find ourselves willing to back off and give up on what is important to us, just to avoid conflict?

I have noticed that emotional problems between people are the main reason for breaking up relationships, businesses, and communities. Part of permaculture is making a human culture which is healthy and sustainable, just like creating a healthy balanced culture with plants and animals on a farm. Because our Western culture is so emotionally repressed, most people have no models for how to handle their own emotions in a responsible and healthy way.

We go through life hoping for peace and pleasure, and if we get triggered or have our “buttons pushed,” we tend to blow up out of control, and then try to get out of the unpleasant emotions as fast as possible, without really understanding where they came from or why they are so intense. Most people have trouble even keeping a healthy relationship going with one person, so the idea of living with a whole group is overwhelming. Other people are like mirrors, and sometimes they reflect parts of us we don’t really want to see. If one mirror is too much, then what about fiveor 10? There is nowhere to hide then! Each relationship adds levels of interconnected complexity.

A number of my friends look at my busy, complicated situation from their quiet, sedate lives and wonder why I am even interested in such a challenge. A community is an emotionally intensive experience. It is also a fantastic way to grow, if you are committed to your own healing and are willing to look carefully and fearlessly into your own shadows. The shadow is any part of the psyche that is unpopular and judged as undesirable. It exists because of an accumulation of past hurtful experiences.

We can see our own shadows in the places where we find ourselves doing things that we have already decided we do not want to do, such as indulging in addictions. It is also seen in chronic illnesses that we can’t seem to heal—or where we feel blocked in moving forward toward the things we want to create in our lives. Shadows live in our unconscious, so by their nature they are hard to see. It is far easier to notice something you do not like about another person, thus projecting your shadow onto them.

There is also a well-known tendency for any group to pick a scapegoat, or “identified problem person,” who manifests the shadow energy of the group mind. The problem with shadows is that no matter what attempts are made to control or ignore them, they keep popping their ugly little heads up in the most inopportune and embarrassing moments. This is because they want healing, and they want to be honored and acknowledged. The longer they are pushed away and repressed, the more energy they build up until they really seem like monsters lurking somewhere under the thin veneer of our “nice” conscious personalities.

When I was around 25 years old I joined a small intentional community that was egalitarian in structure and involved income sharing. They were six adults and a baby living in a large house in a small town, living communally in a very intense way. Income sharing is challenging for many people, because it involves pooling the income made by the various members, and then using it for all the group expenses and giving each member a small stipend for personal use. This required a lot of bookkeeping and a lot of emotional processing to be sure that everyone felt that the resources were being dealt with fairly. In addition, living, working, and eating in one house created an emotional pressure cooker from all the intimacy.

I loved it. And I also noticed where it was not working well. The members had various levels of emotional skillfulness and awareness. I became aware of a pattern in which someone who was emotionally upset, and not taking responsibility for their feelings, would use the group meetings to process all their emotional problems. There would be a lot of projections onto others, and a tendency to have the group attention focused on the upset person for long periods of time. This was very draining and time-consuming for the group, and eventually led the group to dissolve.

This experience led me to seek ways that people could live together in harmony, and work out emotional difficulties. The good news is that shadows and old emotional distresses can be cleared and permanently resolved, with loving help from others. I studied and practiced many different group processes and therapies, and the two I have found most useful for community are Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, and peer counseling, also known as co-counseling.

We use NVC when we need to communicate something and listen well to others, and use co-counseling when we want to explore inside and deeply feel and release emotions. They complement each other well. In La’akea Permaculture Community, we train people in both skills in our internships, and use them as a basis for having common language and agreements about how we choose to relate to each other.

Co-counseling is a worldwide network of non-professional counselors, who trade sessions for the purpose of clearing emotions, dissolving rigid patterns of behavior, and recovering our ability to be present and think clearly and rationally. It is a people’s liberation movement that started in the ’50s, has spread all over the world, and has many permutations and offshoots. You can check out the original organization at www.rc.org, where you will find all the basic ideas and many resources for learning the skills.

Emotions are natural waves of energy that arise in response to a stimulus, and if they are allowed to flow and are not repressed, they naturally resolve themselves. It is natural for a child to get angry if another child steals a toy, or if they are denied a food that they really want. The emotion can be validated and allowed space to be felt, and yet not be the deciding factor in how the situation is resolved. Hurtful things happen to us as a natural part of life, and our emotional responses to them are our natural way of healing the hurts. A child who is sad about not having another cookie can be allowed to cry, and have the feeling acknowledged in a respectful way. They can be given empathy, but not another cookie, and soon the tears will wash through and the inner sun with shine again.

In our lives, in this culture, we experience many disappointments and moments of neglect, abuse, and not having our needs met. If we are not given loving empathetic attention around the emotions stirred by these hurts, they tend to get stored in our subconscious shadows. There they wait, and when anything later happens which is similar enough to the original hurts, we experience that unpleasant phenomenon known as being triggered, or having our buttons pushed. Then we find ourselves re-experiencing the old feelings, saying and doing things that don’t work well, and generally being unable to stay present and think clearly in the moment.

If we can recognize that we are triggered, and ask for help from our friends, we can move through the pain into clarity by allowing space to deeply feel the emotions. We often need and deserve support from others in working with these old pains. The most useful kind of support is calm, loving presence and empathy from another person. We avoid giving them advice to solve their problems, and trust that when the emotions have washed through, they will be able to think again and work out their own best solutions.

It takes training and practice and personal inner work to offer this to each other, and it is well worth the time invested. We hold space for people to talk, cry, laugh, rage, and tremble out fears. Emotions are messy, physical things that involve lots of movement, sounds, inner chemistry, and body fluids. When releasing anger, a few moments of really beating up a pillow are often more effective than hours of verbal processing. Laughing and shaking the whole body are really useful when people feel scared and nervous. Crying helps us let go and heal from a loss. Emotional releases are deeply healing when they are welcomed, held in a safe space where no one is hurt, and allowed to finish.

How do we use this in community? Mostly it is coming to a group agreement that emotions are important, and we can feel them fully and then make our choices based on our clear thinking. We make room for the shadows to come forward in a safe way, at the right time, by invitation. This prevents them from having to burst forth in dramatic desperation just to get any attention.

Specifically, we have opportunities at our weekly Heartsharing meeting to express our deeper feelings. We ask every week at these meetings if someone has something to clear with another person, and hold space for that to happen with group support. We do morning check-ins every day where we are open to shorter sharing about anything that is coming up for people. We do group processes like the Forum, where the whole group gives attention to one person at a time as they freely move and express whatever is alive for them in the moment. We play theater and psychodrama games so that we can laugh and be creative together. We take time to trade sessions in pairs on a regular basis, so that our needs for personal attention and emotional expression are met. We hold space for each other while we struggle through the hard places.

When someone has a sudden injury or emergency, we take time to allow the feelings, scream, or yells to come through, so that the energy does not stay stuck in the body and healing can happen fast. When two people are in conflict, we can give each a time individually to blow off steam and explore what in their past is getting triggered. Then we can meet together in a mediation session and work out solutions. We help the children work through their feelings using NVC, Connection Parenting, and counseling.

We have small support groups on specific topics, such as parents getting together to talk about childraising challenges, or the older women having a meeting to listen to each other. When everyone feels safe to be truly authentic, and express whatever is real for them, no matter how ugly or uncomfortable it seems, then the hurts that have been relegated to the shadows are able to be brought into the light of awareness. They can be explored, understood, and released. We can look for the old roots of what happened in the past, and re-program the old habits into new, more healthy patterns. We can truly come into a place of closeness, trust, and safety in relationship with each other.

This is where community can be a path of both personal growth and spiritual awakening. To fearlessly face one’s deepest pains, with the loving help of others, creates a situation where we can go much farther and faster together than we could go alone. We can free each other from old chains and cages, with patience and compassion. This is why I love community.

As we each become free of old fears and blocks, and open into our own unique, beautiful power, we can more effectively create a new and healthier world.

“One by one, everyone comes to remember We’re healing the world one heart at a time...” (song by Michael Stillwater)

Amara taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, a method of peer counseling, for over five years, and has been studying and practicing it since 1983. She developed her own approach to peer counseling in 1988, called Wholistic Peer Support, integrating many ideas from RC with spiritual meditation practices, psychic healing, and body-centered techniques. She is a member of La’akea Permaculture Community, near Pahoa, Hawaii. For more information on La’akea trainings, see www.permaculture-hawaii.com.

Mystical Poems 2007

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 05:32:00 +0000

Meet Me at Your Skin 1/07

Are you looking for Me?

Meet me at your skin.

At that alchemical border between

inside and out

I am always loving you.

I offer an entire world for you

a multidimensional hologram

every moment I touch you

constantly

as the air flowing into your nostrils

as the soft sheets of your warm bed

as water caressing and cleansing

As earth supporting your steps

I penetrate you, sustain you

As you taste a sweet fruit

As sunlight awakens skin

As prana floats inside the inner breath

We are constantly joining

Full body contact every second

I am waiting for you to notice

to drop the veils of dullness

Each breath I am here

wanting to continue our eternal conversation

Come, bring all your awareness to this present

to the edge which is no edge

where I become You

You become Me

where I am always caressing

the hair of your skin

with subtle and passionate kisses

-----------------------------------------------------

Bubble Dance 4/07

The Beloved says

"Do you want to worship Me or my creation?"

Where do I put my adoration?

If I choose the creations

I am constantly leaning outward

chasing the many colored sparkles

which are born and die

Wanting to hold a soap bubble

is a recipe for frustration

If I choose the Creator

then I watch this rainbow light show

from my center

and each lovely, exquisite form

is just a mask You are wearing

just a projection on a screen

The bubbles arise and vanish

but I do not grieve for them

because there is an infinite supply

Maybe I will grow weary

of watching the bubble dance

and dwell in the vibrant emptiness

which is both inside and outside

of that iridescent soap film

Or maybe Your dance will absorb my mind

and I will be lost in infinite adoration

The Purpose of Life, Self Sourcing, and Other Small Topics

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 05:14:00 +0000

The dilemma of a soul who is born into this world, differentiated and separated from its source is this:

Now I have wrapped myself in a piece of flesh, a body suit which creates by its nature a sense of limitation & separation. Here I am among millions of other forms. I have forgotten my source, so I cannot self source my food, comfort, love. I am dependant on the world of form to meet these needs.

If all goes well, all these needs are met and I experience being valued, understood, respected, fed the correct food as much as I want, protected and desired. I have clean air and good water and natural non-toxic substances around me. My parents are peaceful, loving, wise and want to stay close to me all the time, until I am ready for freedom. There are many others around in a peaceful tribal family. All my emotions are accepted and given respect. I receive lots of skin contact. I am kept clean. I have enough stimulation and interesting things to learn. There is general peace and kindness in my community.

As a child matures, it becomes more and more self sufficient in getting it’s own food, comfort, pleasure, etc. until it is an adult able to channel enough energy to be self-sustaining. If a soul has had these experiences, it has the basic groundwork for easily learning to self-source later in life. The more of these ideal experiences it has, the more easily it can grow into a self-sufficient state.

To the extent that we did not have the ideal state as a child, we are slowed down in our growth toward becoming a radiant, self-sourcing awakened being. Each element that was missing becomes a challenge to the process of maturing according to God’s original plan. We remain stuck in unmet infantile needs for food, love, intimacy, comfort or learning.

God’s original plan was followed for hundreds of thousands of years, as humans evolved as tribal beings. How did we get so far from the original plan? Why did we stop following the original instructions, which would make incarnating as an individual soul a mostly pleasurable and easily fulfilling experience? Why the fall from Grace?

It seems that the Creator’s great plan is to divide itself into many hologramic pieces, and the purpose of each piece is to grow into a source of nourishment, love, wisdom & light. Each being is like a seed which contains the potential to become like its source. If the seed falls on fertile soil with the right conditions, its task is easy. Some say that a soul’s purpose is to merge back into the One being. In a way this is both true and untrue.

If our task was only to merge back and dissolve, what is the point of the One sending us out in the first place? If we only need to dissolve, then death would be an easy & logical path. Why exist in form at all? Let go of it and experience the connectedness of the non-physical realms without this delicate and demanding form to be tending constantly.

A careful look around the physical realm shows that this cannot be the intention. Millions of myriad forms are endlessly being created and falling away. Physical forms of all shapes, sizes & functions. Obviously the Creator loves form. It is engaged in an infinite, passionate, gorgeous dance which is complex beyond our understanding. The point is not just to merge, dissolve & die. Otherwise all enlightened beings would immediately drop their form. I would guess that many do, as it’s just easier that way. However, many choose to stay as teachers and healers, acting as radiant suns of spiritual light and sources of oceans of love. And they all say that they merge back into the One, only somehow they still also exist as a small form.

The purpose of all these tiny seeds of consciousness is to awaken into awareness of unity with the One Source, WHILE maintaining a physical form. What could be more challenging than this? To be aware of oneself as the Source of all the planets & suns, all realms of being, and still look out of one pair of eyes and breathe, eat & care for a body?

The very nature of physicality is solidity, which carries with it the tendency to feel separate, small, powerless, alone. When we strayed from the original path, which had us living in warm climates, eating natural foods, and living in tribes, our task of evolving into awakened sources became difficult or impossible. Why did we stray? Why did we co-create famine, war, oppression, greed, torture, toxins?

Although God’s plan to experience unity within manifested diversity was ambitious & difficult, it apparently worked well for a while. We hold these memories as heaven realms, or the Garden of Eden. There are legends of higher civilizations. The bible story says it was the knowledge of good & evil that took us away from grace. In other words, it was the judgment that some things are good and others are bad. It was the idea that some things are holy and others profane. The feeling arose of shame, wanting to cover oneself and hide. The soul manifested in form begins to doubt that it is good. The soul thinks: “Maybe it is not a good thing that I exist? Perhaps I’m too much trouble, too needy, too emotional, too loud, too active?”

These are many of the messages we get in these times as young children. Perhaps my body needs are not OK? My desires not OK? Yet when we doubt ourselves, we doubt our Creator’s work in creating us. Why would the Creator make something to be ashamed of? How could the creator make anything but sacredness and light? And yet it has created the deepest, blackest evil and hell realms.

Somehow we all created this. Why? Were we just bored? Was it too peaceful in the Garden? Or were we reaching for more, reaching for the apple of immortality, because we were only children in the Garden? Only dependent and un-awakened souls, although we were blessed to exist in a heaven realm?

Perhaps all this misery and suffering is somehow needed as part of the process. Perhaps the soul’s journey of being cast out, apparently separated (as each child emerges from the womb) and then doubting the goodness of its existence is all part of a process of tempering or preparation. Perhaps this great goal of Infinite Awareness while in physical form is not possible without going through this darkness.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe it really has to be this dark. Couldn’t we do this with less pain? Apparently not, or we would be. The pain is built of layers and layers of old karma, or habits of being, that were started by that first self-doubt (lack of trust in God). Now there is such a thick layer of rust or sediment over our minds that often the piercing of it only occurs with intense pain. Pain teaches us where we are attached, stuck, un-conscious. It gives us motivation to change and grow.

In any case, the question of how and why we got into this mess is less relevant than how we can get out. By studying the path that we took getting lost, we reveal the path to return. By deciding to trust the Creator’s wisdom in creating all things just as they are, we remedy the initial step of doubting the inherent goodness of ourselves and the world. This is a decision that every soul must make and it must be made regardless of any apparent proof given by events unfolding in this world. There is no end of darkness and misery which could be used to prove that God should not be trusted. But asking for proof based on external circumstances is simply being a dependent child. What we are after here is becoming a self creating, self sourcing awakened being who is capable of bringing light even where there is no light.

So, we must decide to trust our Source and ourselves to be perfect just as we are. And choose this simply because it works to unwind the illusion of separation. Simply because life works better when we believe it. Just using the power of our own mind to create reality, because we want to create a reality of perfection, love, harmony and beauty. And we can remember that each time we choose to believe in our own goodness, power, beauty, value and importance, we validate God’s choice to bring us forth. We validate God’s great plan to be completely aware of cosmic unity at the same time as looking out of each of our eyes. To have each tiny seed grow into its own self sourcing Godhead, capable of creating universes.

Regardless of how lost we have become, and why, the path to be found again is clear. It lies in self-love and trust. A being who is actively creating and choosing self-love and trust will not be interested in war, greed, domination, stealing or self harming in any way.

The extent to which we are still doing things to harm ourselves and others simply shows the extent that we are not engaged in loving ourselves and our Divine Parent. It shows places where pain is layered and stuck which is crying for attention. If there is a place in yourself that you are aware of pain, give it attention. Seek the answer to the cry of the pain. It is there for a purpose, a lesson. If you can’t give it enough by yourself, seek help from Source or other souls.

Sometimes this whole game seems pointless or simply impossible. Simple things like sharing love and peace with others, or getting enough of the right food become out of reach. We become far away from the promise of our birthright; to have our basic needs met for love, comfort, safety, peace, freedom and power. The layers of habitual thought and feeling become like heavy weights that we have no idea how to take off. We want to just quit and tell God that this was all a bad idea in the first place. And if it’s going to be this hard, forget it!

But somehow we are part of this plan, and there doesn’t seem to be any way out but to finish it well. If we stay caught in the illusion of being a single separate self, there is no way we will ever succeed. There must be awareness of and communication with the Source. Eventually any separation vanishes, as a soul matures. The only way out is through.

And when we get through and we’ve addressed every speck of attachment, karma and pain, maybe we won’t even want out of this physical form. Maybe we’ll find that the whole point of the grand experiment was to get in!

Things to Consider

What are the ways I’m not willing to show up for my life?

How do I hold back and wish something else was happening? Make due, put up, avoid, ignore?

What is asking for my attention that I don’t think is worth my time?

What is my first project now in tending the body?

Most of all, God wants me here, to keep fulfilling the grand plan. I am remembering that each physical / emotional pain is an opportunity to self-source. I can turn my attention to it and give it what it wants. I can give myself value even if others are not. When I put this first, all other things will come more easily.

What does self-sourcing mean?

It means loving myself even when others are not

Taking care of myself even if I have no help

Doing what I feel is right even if others disagree

Generating Love where there is none

Feeding myself well

Allowing power to come through

Honoring all my inner parts as valuable, even the sick and childlike selves

Accepting my apparent flaws Ahimsa (Active non-violence) while being attacked Understanding others as parts of myself

Channeled through Amara Karuna 9/6/09

The Mystery of the Feathered Serpent Inside You

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 05:10:00 +0000

After recently studying cranial sacral work, I had this insight into the symbolism of Kukulkan used in the dance, and how that is reflected in our actual physiology.

Since ancient times the serpent has been a potent symbol for primal life force energy or chi. The snake, dragon, winged and feathered serpent have appeared in a multitude of cultures and were understood as sacred before they were equated with evil. They were associated with eternal life, wealth, intelligence, sexuality, fire, light and power.

But what is the deeper meaning? The snake is structurally just a head and spine, and it moves in the sinuous wavelike motion of the wave or spiral, which is a basic movement of life force energy. In Eastern traditions, the life force or Kundalini energy resides at the base of the spine in the sacrum, or sacred bone, awaiting to be awakened. Many yogic practices are designed to activate and free this energy. Kundalini was the name of an ancient Hindu Goddess, a female fiery serpent which lies coiled and asleep, representing the human inner soul or Shakti energy. When she does awaken and rises up the spine to the head, she merges with the Shiva or male energy. The upper chakras or energy centers are activated and deeper states of awareness and bliss are experienced. It is often experienced as moving in a rhythmic, wavelike spiraling motion. The snake is a spiritual metaphor for this energy movement in our bodies. (See http://www.crystalinks.com/kundalini.html).

And what about the image of the winged serpent? Does our spine have wings at the top, or is this only a metaphor for how the spirit can soar once this energy is freed and awakened?

We find these images in the caduceus, a double snake winding around a central column with wings at the top, which is used to symbolize the healing power of the medical profession. It was an ancient symbol related to the Greek staff of Hermes which had great healing powers. (See http://www.crystalinks.com/caduceus.html).

This also recalls the structure of a DNA helix, and so is symbolic of physical reality and manifested form. In Mayan tradition, Kukulkan is the deity who appears as the feathered serpent, and was thought to be the savior or bringer of light. This deity is also known as Quetzalcoatl ("feathered serpent") in Aztec tradition. Feathers represent the ascension of human consciousness to higher source.

Hindu and Egyptian traditions describe a central column of energy in our spine, with two spiraling side channels that wind around it. Rising upward, each chakra has progressively more petals until the 6th chakra, between the eyebrows, which is depicted as having only two petals, like wings. The 7th chakra has 1000 petals. Why would the 6th only have two?

At the top of the spine is a relatively unknown bone called the sphenoid bone, which is one of the many bones that form the skull. This bone is the anterior base of the skull, in the very center of the head. It is the area where the nerves leave the brain to connect with the spinal column and the lower spine. This bone also cradles the pituitary gland, is close to the ears and has the nerves of the eyes passing through it. The pituitary controls the functions of all other endocrine glands and is associated with the 6th chakra or third eye.

The sphenoid is the sacred bone at the top of the spine, equally as potent as the sacrum at the bottom. It is strongly related to the 6th and 7th chakras, relating to wisdom and spiritual enlightenment. It is from the center of this bone, at the back of the upper pallet, that mystics experience the sweet taste of amrita, or the nectar of divine bliss and immortality, which flows down from the crown chakra when one enters very deep states of meditation. (For a wonderful look at the sphenoid and all the skull bones, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc5IRj3OJhE).

The sphenoid also supports part of the central core of the brain stem, which is the most ancient and smallest part of the brain, and is called (significantly) the reptilian brain. This part of the brain regulates the breathing, heartbeat, fight or flight mechanisms, mating and survival. It is preverbal, instinctual and ritualistic and is similar to the brains of reptiles and birds. The basic emotions of love, hate, lust, fear and contentment come from this primitive part of our selves. Anyone who has contacted these powerful emotions knows how compelling they are, and how they can overcome rational thought. Small wonder that this wild, serpent-like, primal part of ourselves has become feared and demonized.

The interesting thing about the sphenoid bone is that it happens to be shaped roughly like a butterfly or bird, with two wings. When a person is healthy and normal, there is a very subtle pulsing and flexing of the cranial bones known as the cranial pulse. The sphenoid bone has a very tiny, but important and perceptible, pulsing that resembles the flexing of wings forward and backward. (For an animated view of this, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeZ2sv1rSZI).

This pulse has been noticed for a long time by Osteopaths and cranial-sacral body workers, but is still debated in the traditional medical community. It begins pulsing through the experience of a normal vaginal birth process. It can become blocked through trauma and tension, and can be engaged with and encouraged to flow by sensitive body workers.

What happens when strong electrical impulses are freed to flow up a healthy and open spine, and reach the deeper reptilian brain at the base of the skull, allowing the bones around it to flex and flow? Perhaps this would stimulate the optic nerves, our hormonal system and the upper chakras, bringing "light" and expansion to the primitive areas of our being, and be experienced as an uplifting sense of being "saved" from being controlled by our more base impulses.

This strong, ancient symbol of the winged serpent can be seen as an analogy for an actual physical process happening within the physiology of our bodies, as well as an accurate description of the process of awakening to more expanded states of consciousness.

Consider taking some time to meditate on your sphenoid bone, which can be contacted directly with your fingers only at the temples just in front of the ear, where the upper part of the ear meets the head. Place your fingers there and breathe, and feel for the subtle pulses and energies contained by this hidden bone, which holds the seats of our awakened perceptions.

Breathe spirals up from the base of your spine, and fly!

by Amara Karuna, Oct 2010

Ideas for Queens and Other Goddesses

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 03:59:00 +0000

Instructions for Queens and Other Goddesses

Please feel free to forward to the powerful women in your life. This came through in a meditation as guidance for me, and I hope it can also be useful to you.

On the Use of Power What is power? Goddess traditions define it as the ability to creatively define what is reality, and the act according to that definition. To imagine what is to be, and then make it so. To have a good idea, and to inspire others to support and follow it. To be able to influence the world, yourself and others. How do you define power?

One archetype of a woman who has come fully into her power and leadership is that of the Queen or Empress. It is said that women go through three basic phases of life, the maiden, mother and crone, and each is an aspect of Divine feminine Goddess energy. The crone phase can be divided further into the Queen (a time after the family is raised when the woman is still strong and active in the world, approximately between the ages of 45-65) and the Crone (a time when traditionally the energy become even more inward and refined, and she is seen as a true wise woman (around 60-90 years old).

Those of us in the Queen phase of life are blessed to potentially have the time, energy, freedom and acquired skills and wisdom of many years, and the vigor to be working and creating actively in the world. We may find ourselves as the matriarch of a large family, with everyone looking to us for guidance, or in leadership roles at work, or in politics, or teaching. Yet since our power and energy can be threatening to the established sex role limitations of Western civilization, we may not feel supported in unfolding all of the beauty and leadership that we are capable of.

1. Remember always, in every moment that you are using power, that all power comes from beyond the small ego self, and is a blessing given by Source, (or your own Higher Self, or the Goddess, or however you like to think of it). When you are given money, leadership, responsibility, possessions, physical strength, influence over others in any way, and artistic or other talents, all of these are gifts that you are allowing to come through you. The small ego self will want to take credit for all the wonderful glory and beauty that can come through the vessel of the individuated mind and body. If you can remember that you are channeling from a deeper Source, and consciously align with that Source, what happens through you will be far greater than anything you could think up with your limited mind.

2. Believe in yourself. Believe in your own goodness, no matter what others think. Never abandon yourself to thought of unworthiness. Doubting your actions may be appropriate at time, so that you can learn to act in better ways. This can be done without doubting your deep goodness. Your face is one face of the Goddess.

3. Always tell the truth to yourself. Truth gives you power, and lies drain power. If you feel an inner weakness, a kind of slippery feeling of not being fully aligned in your gut and heart, it is best not to act until you can regain your sense of alignment with your own integrity. There will be many challenges and temptations to act in ways that do not fully feel right to you. The more power you have, the more important it is not to act out of integrity. It is as if you are holding a high powered water hose, rushing with fast moving water. One small movement in a wrong direction can create many destructive consequences. It is your responsibility while handling this volume of energy flow to direct it in accordance with truth and wisdom, not with your own ego satisfaction, or that of others.

4. Always tell the truth to others. You can present what is true in a way that is appropriate and kind, and is on the level of the ones you are speaking to so that it can be received. Truth must be combined with wisdom if it is to be effective and not harsh.

5. Take care of yourself. This includes your body, mind, emotions and spirit. You may be tempted to become so absorbed in the activities and needs of the world and those around you, that you forget about yourself. You may neglect the simple basic needs of enough rest, exercise, good food and water, and emotional support. Think of the time you spend caring for yourself as time spent so that you can show up for your activities and others at your best. Think of yourself as a sacred temple, containing and reflecting the Source. What created you knew well what it was doing. You are perfect just as you are, so honor it.

6. Honor others as part of yourself, and part of the Source. Each being is as capable of power and magnificence as any other, in their own way. Each being is a seed of the Source of all things, sleeping and waiting for its time to sprout and flower. If you have reached and manifested your own power, you are in the stage of flowering and fruiting. Is this phase any more important than any of the others? It is more showy and glorious, perhaps. But it is not any more sacred or important. You began as a seed, and in some ways, you still are and always will be. If others have not found the way to feel their own power, beauty and wholeness, assist them in doing so, and do not judge them.

7. The purpose of power is to share it. There is no point at all in gathering power, money or fame to just keep it all to yourself and revel in your own glory. All that happens then is you become the shining star leading everyone else behind you like children. At worse you become a tyrant. At best you become a benevolent dictator or all nurturing mother, and all look to you to meet their needs. This leads to isolation, heavy responsibility, attacks and criticism, jealousy and rivalry. Basically, it is no fun for you, or anyone else! If you have had the needed support, opportunities, training, money, status and abilities to attain any significant power, this means you are being given the chance to help others to have the same. The great purpose of the universe is for each of its uncountable manifested beings to find and express its own unique song of life in fullness. The One wants to sing through us all, and sing many many songs, and tell many many stories, infinitely. Those of us who are blessed to be finding our own song, our own truth, our own personal vibration and way of expressing, can best use that to rejoice and to serve others.

8. How to share power? Step down from the throne. It is cold and lonely there. Build a circle of others to do with you the same tasks you have been doing alone. Find peers to get support for yourself. You deserve to be surrounded by peers; by people who you can respect, love and trust, and depend on when you need help. People who are equally skilled and powerful who you can co-create with, and experience the joy of sharing. No one can lead by themselves and do a really excellent job, simply because we have only one set of eyes and ears, one mind and one limited body. The best leadership comes from well functioning groups that offer a variety of perspectives.

Does it seem you have no peers? This is an illusion. Look more carefully. Your own sense of self-importance has caused you to feel that you cannot trust anyone to work with you. Look into your own fears and need to be the center of attention, and let go of these. Past experiences of having no support when you needed it, and being disappointed and abandoned have created this illusion as a coping mechanism. Heal and release those past events so that you can get back into the flow of deep and satisfying connection with others. Find your own humility. Admitting that you need help will open the hearts of others to you.

If no one around you has the same skills, train them. If you find yourself isolated and bearing huge responsibility, look around for one person you can trust. This person will be able to look you steadily in the eye, and will act in a consistently kind, generous and peaceful way. They may or may not be at all interested in power, money or self-glory. Allow yourself to open to at least one person as a friend. Then, ask your friend whom they trust, to find others you can trust. Watch how others treat this person. The others who treat your trusted friend with respect can also be trusted. Build around yourself a circle of advisors, who can help you make decisions. Find community somehow. Especially look for other women to trust and be close to. This is important in a world where people holding power are mostly men. You may not see a lot of women who appear to be powerful, and this is because of our cultural training to be passive. Find some women that have promise and help them flower.

9. Teach others to help empower them. Always be training others to replace you. What will happen if you, who are now in charge of the situation, suddenly become unavailable? But what if you seem to be the only one to be trusted to do things well? What if others make terrible messes out of the plans, and bicker endlessly with each other, and generally do not act in skillful ways? This is to be expected and can be used as opportunities for teaching. A child does not immediately master a skill, but must be given chances to practice and make mistakes. With patience and skill, you can guide those you are training in learning, by giving them some power but not more than they are ready for. Have times for feedback after they practice, and let them critique themselves first, before you give them suggestions for improvement. Always praise what they did well before you address things that need to change.

10. Return all your fruits to the Source Offer the results of your actions back to the Source that you are channeling. Let go of what you thought should happen and accept what is happening. Sometimes you will be surprised or disappointed in the results. Have faith that whatever needs to happen has happened or will happen. Examine your actions for any ways they could be improved, but there is no need to beat yourself for mistakes. Sometimes apparent mistakes are the best possible things that could happen, but you only find that out many years later. The great purpose of the universe is behind you, supporting you, wanting you to sing your song well, in full beauty and power. Just do your best, and that is enough.

Thanks to all my companion Goddesses and Queens! Blessings to you, and thanks for being your own unique powerful self.

Amara Karuna